Grateful

Today I fly out and head to DC.  I am both excited and nervous, which is half of the fun of a marathon.  I also get to see my best friend!  I can’t wait.  Ok, now down to the reason for this post.  I mentioned in my last post that I would be creating a list of the 26 things I am most grateful for, one for each mile.  I have come up with my list and I am excited about it.  These are not in any order of importance. 

I am grateful for…

Mile 1 – Running and all of it’s challenges

Mile 2 – Kanon

Mile 3 – My high school friends and My college friends

Mile 4 – My Boos

Mile 5 – My family

Mile 6 – All of the hard times I have experienced (they made me)

Mile 7 – God

Mile 8 – My self-doubt

Mile 9 – My confidence

Mile 10 – Music and books

Mile 11 – The ability to see beauty

Mile 12 – The friends who have stuck by me and never judged me

Mile 13 – Amy

Mile 14 – The children I get to introduce Art to

Mile 15 – God making me a lesbian (and sexy)

Mile 16 – Laughter and Tears

Mile 17 – Sarra

Mile 18 – This moment

Mile 19 – Beating The Bridge!

Mile 20 – Fear (overcoming it and embracing it)

Mile 21 - Gina

Mile 22 – Understanding that I can do anything

Mile 23 – The runners beside me

Mile 24 – Sami, Fletch, and Andrew

Mile 25 – Overcoming depression and anxiety

Mile 26 – This being the Last MILE

.2 – for the people who fought for this country and gave me the freedom to run this race

There is my list.  When you run a race like this it is easy to only think about yourself and how you feel.  The race can become all about you, the miles behind, and the miles ahead.  I probably will not be able to not think about that, but I don’t want to take this experience or adventure for granted.  I am grateful for the life I have led so far and the life I am going to lead.  I don’t know if I will ever have another opportunity to do another marathon, so I want this one to mean something. 

I have set up an instagram account (kcannon6017) and you can follow me through out the weekend.  I will be posting pictures the whole weekend.  I also will post after the marathon to let everyone know how I did.  Thanks for all of the support.  See you on the other side of the BRIDGE. 

26 Things

7 more days!  This thought hit me like a punch in the chest this morning.  7 days from today I will be in DC running 26.2 miles.  This both excites me and scares me at the same time.   I have to be honest, it is an intense high.  I love it!  I am really excited because this will be my first major race.  The MCM is one that thousands of people are dying to do.  I was picked to attempt it out of thousands.  I can’t wait to feel that excitement, the energy in the air is going to be awesome!   Don’t get me wrong, I still have the same anxieties and fears about this race.  I think that is normal.  Earlier this week I almost let that steal this excitement that I feel, but a thought creeped in during one of these moment stealing events. I have been given a gift:  I CAN run, There is NOTHING preventing me from running.  

Running is a gift.  Think about that for a second…  there are so many things in life we take for granted.  There are people in this world, who would run 50 marathons, if only they could.   The thing that I take for granted is something they can’t do.  It is not about having the endurance or the mental strength, they physically can’t.  All of the runners out there, imagine that you woke up tomorrow and your legs couldn’t run anymore.  I often think about the people whose ability to run was stolen from them that day in Boston.  They were approaching the finish of a marathon and suddenly their lives changed.  

I have people in my life who can’t run and never will be able to.  I feel like an ass when I talk about how slow I am or if I can beat some bridge.  I take running for granted.  There is a little boy, who has my heart.  He is just starting his life and he will never be able to run like I do.  As much as I hate this fact, there is nothing I can do to change this.  All I can do is pray that HE finds his own passion and doesn’t ever take it for granted.  I promise this little guy that I will do everything in my power to never again take running for granted.  I wear his name on my shoe when I run and I will have his name under my running tattoo next Sunday.

     

There are a lot of things that we all take for granted: a roof over our head, food in our refrigerator, cars, jobs, education, family etc…  I can only speak for me, but I don’t want to lose something before I realize how important it is or was to me.  I especially don’t want my wonderful life to end and not to have thanked God for everything I have.  I want to live a life where I don’t spend anymore time taking things for granted.  I want to explore what life has to offer, the things I have never had the courage to try.  What do I have to lose by trying?  The real question is what do I lose if I don’t try?

I find myself worrying about things and becoming consumed with what ifs.  I really don’t want to waste anymore time on that.  I am a realist though.  This a habit that I have to break.  I want to be grateful for every breath that I take.  There is only one way to do that, PRACTICE.  I am going to take this marathon and use it to help change the way I think.  I am going to spend this week realizing 26 things that I am grateful for.  I will spend each corresponding mile focusing on how grateful I am for that blessing.  I want God and everyone to know what I am grateful for.  Before I leave for DC on Friday I will post those 26 things.  If you want to do the same I will run those 26 miles for you too, so you can be grateful and realize how blessed you are as well.  

Life (running) is amazing and we all need to break through fears and conquer fear before it is all gone.  I am realizing that the true way to happiness and fulfillment is to thank God everyday for all of your life.  Let’s not wait until it is all gone.  We need to embrace our lives!

Beat The Bridge

          Sorry I am a little late with this post, time got away from me.  Let me catch you up a little on my marathon training progress.  This past Sunday, I ran……17 Miles!!!  The most awesome part was that I could walk the next day.  I had a little soreness but the only real pain I had was in my shoulder (don’t ask because I don’t know).  I have proven to myself that I can run 26.2 Miles again.  there is still something that scares the shit out of me.  Something I think about all day long.  It is always in my brain.  Can I "beat the bridge"??  In the Marine Corp Marathon you have to “beat the bridge” to be able to continue and finish to get your medal.  To “beat the bridge” you must completely cross the 14th street Bridge by 1:15 PM.  So many things scare me about this. 

         Can I "beat the bridge"?  I honestly don’t know.  I do know that I need to turn my thinking around about this stupid bridge.  So far, all I can think about is not beating the bridge.  I have spent very little time thinking about actually beating the damn thing.  It is a known fact that I have spent most of my life being the glass is half empty kind of girl.  I have to change that, not only in my running, but also in my life.  I am going to use this wonderful writing outlet to put all of my doubts and fears on the table. 

         I guess I should start with my biggest fear.  I am terrified of not “beating the bridge” and having to go home with not having accomplished my goal.  In other words, I am afraid to fail.  I get a stomachache when I think about people asking me “did you finish?” and having to say “No”.  I understand in theory that my friends and family won’t hold it against me, but I would hold it against myself so why wouldn’t they.  This may sound silly and a little crazy, but it is a real fear in my head.  I have spent most of my life making sure I didn’t do anything that I could result in a flat failure.  It has only been recently that I have made a conscience effort to force myself out of that thought process.  Still it is a hard habit to break.  This leaves me with two choices:  Quit or Try.

         If I am completely honest with myself….. I am a little concerned about not pushing myself hard enough.  What I mean is that I constantly ask myself “am I working hard enough”?  There are more days than not that I say no to that question.  I know there is another level to my effort, my ability and me.  I am just at a loss as how to achieve it.  Trust me when I say this, I spend a lot of time reading articles and books about running.  I am constantly trying to find that insight that will change my whole running lifestyle.  That is almost my answer for everything, READING.  If I have a problem, that is always my first instinct, to read a book on the topic.  This is very hard for me to say…..reading about running has not worked to push me harder, run faster or cure all my mental fears.  The people who know me will understand that took a lot for me to admit.  Once again, I have to look inside and find these answers.  Sigh…..

         This is a thing I have talked about before, but I have to mention it briefly.  What if I am just not good enough at running to actually “beat the bridge”?  What if no matter how hard I train, try to think positive thoughts I can’t do it?  As I am writing this, I see that is crap and not true at all.  I am not even going to continue this paragraph because that just isn’t true. 

          Now that I have put my fears on the table, I need to face them and spit in fear’s face.  If I don’t “beat the bridge”, I won’t die.  I won’t be fired from my job.  My family will not avoid my calls.  I will not have friends’ unfriend me on facebook.  If I look at it like that what do I have to lose?  Nothing that really matters. Now if I quit and don’t try as hard as I can….. I will lose a lot more.  I will lose respect for myself; I would have a hard time living with quitting.  I vow to everyone reading this I will fail way before I EVER quit.  I injured myself in my first marathon, couldn’t run at all.  I didn’t quit I walked as hard as I could for 10 Miles because there was no way I was going to look at my Dad and tell him I quit.  That was not acceptable, quitting.  Don’t get me wrong quitting because of a major injury is the smart thing to do, but I am not always smart.  I am stubborn though. 

         I read a quote the other day (it was on my daily running calendar) and I have thought about that quote all week.  It said, “Running a marathon is not a physical challenge, it is a mental one.” This statement is so true.  I know from talking to many people who have run a marathon.  There comes a point with all of us where you have to be stronger mentally than you ever have to be physically.   I have two good friends, who say something to me all the time…”I wish you could see yourself through our eyes.”  I say that I am going to try.  Here is my declaration!!!!!!:

·           I will only be positive (about everything).  Time to try being a glass is half full girl for a while

·         I will work on concentrating on having success instead of failure.

·         I will make “I will BEAT THE BRIDGE!” my new mantra