Last week after my post, I ran 11 miles! Writing those words seems to have broken my runner’s block, so now I am wondering if this writing thing is a kind of magic. What if writing is some magical way of breaking all kind of bad habits or ways of thinking? I am thinking of putting this magical theory to the test. Why not? It can’t hurt...
I have run in 1 marathon, 3 half marathons, 4 10ks, and 5 5ks. I still don’t think of myself as a runner most of the time. When I drive my daughter to swimming, I see all of these people running and I actually find myself getting jealous. I find myself thinking “Damn, I wish I could do that.” Then it hits me. I do that a lot! I am so impressed by runners and have so much respect for them. Why don’t I give myself that same respect?
I have a bad habit of comparing myself, in many ways, to other people. This is not a very productive way of living. Using this way of measuring your life bases your good/bad mood, your happiness, and the way you look at yourself on how you compare to someone else. This is a really good way to live if you want to ALWAYS feel inferior to someone else. This isn’t fair to yourself and it isn't fair to the one you always compare yourself to. When it comes to running, I always compare myself to my best friend, Amy.
Amy is a fantastic runner. Her drive, endurance and heart is amazing. I started seriously running because of a snowy afternoon on Amy’s couch. We were both stuck in our lives and needed a change. We decided to train and run a half marathon in Disney. We started training and we DID run that half. In many ways that experience changed both of us. God brought the two of us together to be each other’s Heroes. We have used each other to go beyond what we ever thought what was possible. That being said, I always think of her as a better runner, a faster runner, a “real” runner. In other words, I make myself feel inferior to her when we run. Why would I do that????
Let me start off by making this very clear. Amy has NEVER made me feel this way. She has been so supportive and is always my biggest cheerleader. Now back to me, I am a slower runner than Amy. There is nothing wrong with that. We are different people. I had a realization the other day, I have never allowed myself to even consider the fact that I could run as fast as Amy. I have a stamp in my brain, that I put there without even realizing it, that said “Kris can’t run fast.” That stamp has become a fact in my brain. There is no evidence to back this up, because I have already convinced myself that fast or even faster was even possible.
I need to clarify the word “fast.” I am a slow runner and would love to be an 11 minute mile person. That would be my fast. The only reason that seems so hard to me is because I have compared myself into creating limitations that are not really there. I feel inferior to Amy and other runners because that gives me an excuse to use these limitations. It is scary to face limitations. Especially false ones! This limitation I have placed on myself gives me an excuse. I have said before that I have always been an underachiever. This is one of the reasons why. I place limitations and use the word “can’t” a lot.
Ok, let’s see if this magical writing thing really works…..
I am going to use this marathon, this next year and this “magical writing” to break these old habits and limitations. The truth is, I don’t know how fast I can run a mile because every run is different and I don’t know my full potential. I am betting that I can achieve my goal of a mile in 11 mins. I don’t know if that is what I should be running. I am not anyone but Kris. I am right now throwing away my limitations and only concentrating on my success.
I am a badass woman, who has crossed the finish line in a marathon, half marathons, 10ks, and 5ks . I have logged over a thousand training miles. I have no limitations!
Amy, I release you from being my mirror. I look nothing like you!